SCCM 20120 can't connect to SQL 2008 R2

I am trying to install SCCM 2012. I kick off the splash.hta and run Install. I answer all of the question and then I get to the SQL dialog. Our SQL server is on a different box and it is running the following.

SQL Server 2008 R2
Windows Server 2008 R2 (64-bit)

When I’m on the “database information” dialog I have tried to enter both the SQL server name and the IP address, and I get two totally different errros.

If I enter the computer name of the SQL server I get this error:
Configuration manager sites require a support SQL server version with required hotfixes for site database operations to succeed.

But if I enter the IP address I get this error:
Setup is unable to connect to SQL server with the connection information provided.

1) Why the different errors?
2) What hotfixes do I need to make this work?  I've found a Microsoft site but I don't see any download link, unless I want to download each hot fix one at a time (we'd like a cumlative download for all of them)
 

Install SQL R2 SP1 CU4

is name pipes turned on? is the tcp turned on? just cause it says its on it may not be active or enabled.

The first errror most likely means that you don't have CU4 installed.  Second error is caused by not having named pipes enabled in SQL.  Don't forget to restart SQL service so the change takes effect.

SQL 2008 R2 CU4 or higher
 
Make sure Dynamic ports are not enabled and use port 1433 and you should be good to go.  Also I strongly recommend using a service account to install, it has to be a sys admin on the database, dbo is not enough rights.

I wouldn't use Port 1433, but any other would be good. 4022 is the default at install and it's a good one. A couple more things....

• go ahead and upgrade your SQL to 2008 R2 SP1
• there are 2 different CU4's for sql 2008 R2 - one for SP1 and one for RTM. make sure you have the right one or it won't install.
• If your SQL install is the default instance, Variable ports are NOT turned on by default. If it's a named instance, they are turned on at install. make sure they are off.
• If it's the default instance, named pipes must be on and cannot be turned off no matter how much your IT Security dept complains.
• make sure there are no other DBs on that instance of SQL. must be dedicated.
• This should allow you to connect to your DB